I’ve been married for two years, and this is what I’ve learned.

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When I was engaged to be married back in the latter half of 2020 and first half of 2021, I was really so excited. Sure, I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. But I knew that it would be so great. I had met the best girl in the history of the world. I was amped up, looking very much forward to building a life together. But there were a lot of people who put in a lot of effort to burst my bubble.

My wife and I, we made the decision to get married young. We also planned to get married without starting our careers. We also started making these plans while in the middle of a global pandemic that some of you may remember *cough cough*. Our families were right on board. Both sets of parents, the siblings, the aunts and the uncles– they were all ready to do this thing with us. But what was disappointing to learn was that many other people– coworkers, friends, even fellow church members– were far more cynical and far less supportive of our marriage. I heard lots of off-color jokes from men about “being tied down to my wife”– you know, regular happy wife happy life crap. I remember my wife being given several bits of obviously terrible advice from women who were nothing like her. I learned before I was married that marriage would be hard, living together would be hard, marriage would be tough, time management would be tough, we would argue, families would bug us, and all sorts of other things.

And since being married, I have learned that all of those people were absolutely wrong.

Marriage is hard because life is hard… but that makes total sense.

I know… I know you rolled your eyes. If I have heard it once, I have heard it a million times, “Just wait. You’ll see.” I hear you. I’m just choosing to ignore it. I won’t say marriage has been a cake walk– I don’t even really like cake. Marriage is hard. Marriage is tough. But it’s hard and tough like life is hard and tough. Marriage is hard because I am married to another human being. My wife is the greatest person I have ever had the privilege to meet. She is also imperfect. I am about as busted as they come. Marriage is hard like anything else in the world is hard. The difference is that it’s also about ten thousand times more worthy of our effort than most everything else. I was given the impression by a dozen people that marriage would be similar to opening scene of Saving Private Ryan. It’s really been nothing of the sort. It’s been the easiest hard thing ever because God wanted it for us.

Marriage is something other people take too lightly… so we try not to.

I promise I won’t tear my rotator cuff trying to pat myself on the back, here. We made the decision to marry early. In two years, I have not regretted that decision one time. In fact, our marriage has benefitted from that. We got married in July of 2021. We began talking seriously about marriage in July of 2018. We had hours of conversation while I was in college about what marriage could look like, where we would live, where my wife would go to graduate school, and all sorts of other things. We were and are naive, sure. But we actually thought about marriage before we did it. And we still think about it almost every day. In two years of marriage I have learned that many people take marriage too lightly. Not much of it crosses their minds, and they don’t really plan for it even after it’s been done. I know my wife values our marriage. And I know that she does because she maximizes almost every single opportunity to show me. We knew marriage wouldn’t be like dating in middle school. So, we never acted like it would be. And let me tell you… I am grateful for the late night conversations, the FaceTimes pacing around campus, and the endless Google searches for schools and houses. By God’s abundant grace, we hit the ground running.

Marriage made life significantly more meaningful and the mundane more beautiful.

One of the things I actually was very surprised by in marriage is that everything feels different. I really thought I felt as deeply about my (then future) wife as I could. But I was so very wrong. If you know me, you know I can’t stand two things: grocery shopping and riding in the car. If there were ways to easily exist on earth without doing either of the two, I would take that life nine times out of ten. But I started to experience a strange feeling shortly after our wedding. I was enjoying buying groceries for my wife. Better yet, I was enjoying all sorts of things I previously felt completely apathetic about. Sure, this will wear off at some point– some of it, at least. But marriage has given everything more meaning. The mundane things of my life are now the mundane things of our life together. And my beautiful wife gave those mundane things more purpose. I’m not just buying food– I’m buying her food. I’m not just riding in the car. I am riding in the car with her.

Opposites absolutely do attract– and I’m here for it.

My wife and I are almost nothing alike. We have a few similarities, but they are outweighed by the vast differences. She stays up late. I go to bed early. She likes chick flicks. I like war movies. She hates attention. I love to speak in front of people. She takes tons of pictures. I don’t even hardly use my camera. She wants a cat. I want a dog (and maybe a cat, but don’t tell her). She’s quiet, reserved, and sweet. I am the human equivalent of a hurricane. But we are absolutely best friends. We have the best time doing everything together. We balance each other out. All of her strengths are all of my weaknesses. We talk, we collaborate, we cry together, we laugh together, and we make every single decision together. She’s nothing like me, and she is everything I ever dreamed of.

God’s grace is the only reason we’re here.

There’s no better way to say it than to say this: God has been so kind to us. One of the things my wife and I talk about almost every week is that we both are uniquely blessed, even apart from our marriage. Our families, our stories, our hometowns, and even our testimonies are textbook blessings. God has been unbelievably gracious to us even before we knew each other, and he continues to be even as I type this. Marriage has been easy because God wanted this for us. Stressing over finances and arguing over communication means little compared to the joy of knowing that God has willed it be us stressing and arguing together. There aren’t words in English to convey the gratitude I feel for what God has done for me. My wife is just the latest and greatest iteration of his blessings.

To my wife

Sydney Kate, you are the purest soul I have ever met. I know that you are not perfect, but I would write a dissertation to prove that you are. When I think of beauty and purpose, I think of you. When I see flowers, I think of you. When I wake and when I drift off to sleep, I think of you. Every day, I consider it a privilege to be your husband. Every day, I consider it my duty and honor to love you as Christ loved the Church. Every day, I fail at that. And every day, in typical fashion, you forgive me and love me despite my faults. You never worry about what I’m not. Rather, you love me for who I am. You’re my ministry partner, my food taster, my lunch date, my Nutella milkshake junkie, my favorite little mountain girl, and my best friend. I don’t know how many more of these July 24ths God has ordained for us to share. But I will cherish the rest of them.

In two years of marriage, I have learned lots of things. I have learned that you love Japanese food. You take your nightly routine very seriously. You always lock your car more than once. And you shower with really hot water. I’ve learned so many things. I love marriage. I love being married to you. But most importantly…

I love you.

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